Sparkle Baby Polish

“When your infant becomes the prophecy.”

🛁 Sparkle Baby™ – A High Gloss History

Archived Advertisement Material – Circa 1945

In 1945, the same year the Nag Hammadi scrolls were unearthed in Egypt, a less discussed — but equally glittering — revelation occurred in midwestern America: the release of Sparkle Baby™, the world’s first and only high-gloss infant polishing agent.

🧼 What Was Sparkle Baby™?A sacred nonsense product designed to give babies a “luminous, showroom shine” and a joy-activated sparkle aura. Heavily marketed in housewife magazines and occult prophecy journals alike.

🛑 Ingredients (Possibly):– Ground myrrh– Baby oil– Sentient glitter– The echo of a forgotten dream– Something unapproved by God and the FDA

📜 Historical Impact: It is believed that overuse of Sparkle Baby™ may have triggered a metaphysical glitch in the sacred fabric of reality, leading to the spontaneous emergence of Sparkle Babies for Scrolls — the mischievous floating glyphids who now infest holy archives and sparkle-blast anything overly solemn.

🖼 Recovered Advertisement Artifacts Found in a shoebox buried beneath a vibrating hymnbook in Omaha.

[Insert Laminated Tub Baby Image]Caption: “For the baby that deserves a mirror finish.”

“For the baby that deserves a mirror finish.”

📛 Warning: Excessive polishing may result in loss of personality, spontaneous radiance, and interdimensional glitter discharge. Discontinue use if your child begins glowing in tongues.

“My baby’s never glowed this hard”